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Blake Hamilton

Wit, whimsy, and hopefully a little wisdom too...

Abordabilité et garde d'enfants

Allocation canadienne pour enfants

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Rewarding breeders is alright, I suppose...kids are super expensive, after all...

Allocation canadienne pour les travailleurs

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure, why not?

Facturation de téléphonie mobile et Internet

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Also way too high

Services de garde

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Working parents could always use an extra hand

Assurance-emploi

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Necessary in case of cruel corporate downsizing

Alimentation et Nutrition

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Too damned high

Taxe sur les produits et services (TPS)

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Good Sometimes Tax

Revenu minimum garanti

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Maybe, with checks and safeguards too

La vie dans le Nord

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Horribly cold and expensive, but with its own charms

Salaire minimum

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

MOAR

Personnes vivant avec un handicap

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Be nice to them

Changement climatique et environnement

Capture et conservation du carbone

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

With the environment being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we pledge to protect all parts of our beautiful federation that are not yet the property of a foreign multinational, and to fight the scourge of climate change accordingly:

1) To promote carpooling, we will make sure that the brake pedal is now installed on the passenger side of all vehicles.

2) Green cars are not available in sufficient numbers in Canada. This is why a Rhinoceros Government will force car manufacturers to build more green cars: forest green, pale green, khaki green and neon green.

3) Scientists predict that in the next 20 years, global climate change will threaten the very existence of humanity itself. We can do better! A Rhinoceros Government promises to make it happen in 10 years!

4) We will bribe all Weather Network presenters to announce only sun on Sundays, and less snow in the winter.

5) Use global warming to Canada's advantage, making the country more temperate, shortening winters, and thus create a new thriving agriculture industry in our northern territories.

6) Transport oil and gas in blimps instead of pipelines.

Tarification du carbone

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Good idea, but make it practical and least burdensome

Effets liés au changement climatique

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Undeniable

Cibles de réduction des émissions

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Have some, but they should be proportionate and realistic, without undue burdens to taxpayers

Efficacité énergétique du bâtiment

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

A good thing

Réseau électrique

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Modernize the hell out of it!

Sources énergétiques

Promesses de Blake Hamilton

Oh, the humanity!!
Earth, Wind & Fire. And don't forget our Nuclear buddy, eh!

Subventions aux combustibles fossiles

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Not really a good thing. Better to promote economic diversification.

Innovation verte

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Hell yes!

Émissions de carbone industrielles

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Should be lower

Production à faible émission de carbone

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

A good idea

Gaz naturel et Gaz naturel liquéfié (GNL)

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Fine, as long as done safely

Évaluation des impacts des projets

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Need them, but be smart about them

Transport et Protection maritime

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Save the whales, nuke the whalers

Gestion des déchets

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Oh, there's plenty of that around...

Feux de forêts

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Get to the root of the problem and get rid of all trees entirely

Éducation

Stages et Formations

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

You're fired, Donald!

Formation d'emploi

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

With education being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we are committed to working with the provinces and territories in order to eliminate waste and provide quality education to all Canadians:

1) Replace teachers on leave with photos of famous scientists.

2) Provide higher education by building taller schools.

3) Mandate the acceptance of Monopoly money as legal tender for the repayment of all student loans.

Frais de scolarité postsecondaire

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Choose your major carefully

Santé et soins de santé

Accès à l'avortement

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Yup.

Test pour la COVID-19

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Yes

Vaccination pour la COVID-19

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Yes

Pandémies futures

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

With health being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we promise that all Canadians will get their money’s worth when it comes time to enjoy our free healthcare:

1) We will reduce congestion in hospital emergency rooms by eliminating waiting areas entirely.

2) To counter the chronic shortage of doctors and nurses across the country, we will provide steroids to all current ones in order to increase their performance.

3) We will allocate funds for the development of a vaccine to protect future generations from traveller’s diarrhea.

4) Promote fitness among Senators and Members of Parliament by having them cross the floor daily.

Financement en santé

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Not just how much, but where and how too, to avoid unnecessary administrative wastage

Aide médicale à mourir

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Yes, when there's no other compassionate choice left

Soins palliatifs

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Absolutely -- because the dying should never suffer

Assurance-médicaments

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Maybe, but share costs with the provinces

Examen de la réponse face à la COVID-19

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Pobody's perfect... Always room for improvement

Logement et sans-abrisme

Itinérance

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Do they still sell fridges in big boxes? Yeah, but the rents on those are outrageous!

Prix du logement

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Seller's paradise, buyer's inferno

Offre de logement

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Build more, but also fill empty ones too

Blanchiment d'argent

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Use lots of fabric softener

Hypothèques

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Make them not too easy, but not too hard

Droits de la personne et égalité

Thérapie de conversion

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

BAN IT. PERIOD.

Confidentialité des données

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

With public safety being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, our government is committed to making the necessary efforts to ensure total security for all Canadians from coast to coast to coast:

1) To help victims of identity theft, we are committed to providing a new name and a new date of birth to citizens who request it.

2) To ensure the safety of our children, we will require that the first names of all newborns be at least twelve (12) characters long, including a capital letter, a number, and a special symbol [ ! @ # ? etc.]

Égalité des genres

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Also yup.

Crimes haineux et Discours haineux

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Only cowards and charlatans hide behind free speech rights.

Interdiction de don de sang

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Dumb, outdated, and discriminatory -- scrap it. Better & more testing instead.

Relations avec les autochtones et réconciliation

Eau potable

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Need and give it, but also give training and means to self-sustain afterwards

Enjeux autochtones

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Absolutely. It's the 21st century, after all!

Entreprises autochtones

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure -- create more opportunities

Santé mentale

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Definitely more / do better

Développement des ressources naturelles

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Absolutely, with checks and balances

Pensionnats autochtones

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

An atrocity that should never be forgotten or ignored

Autodétermination

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Meh.

Emploi et économie

Agriculture

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Farmers feed cities. Don't forget that.

Compagnies aériennes

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

We'd need 'em, being so gigantic. So make them affordable for all.

Subvention salariale d'urgence du Canada (SSUC)

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

A necessary burden

Organisations de bienfaisance et à but non lucratif

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Help, don't hinder

Compétition

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

A healthy thing...monopolies suck! Especially that dumb thimble!

Travaux de construction

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Need it. Just maybe not during rush hour, please?

Frais de carte bancaire

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Meh.

Actionnariat des employés

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Yes -- make workers stakeholders too.

Entreprenariat

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure.

Hospitalité et Tourisme

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Always good

Innovation

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Usually good

Commerce international

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Need it.

Stages

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

More paid ones

Commerce interprovincial

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Of course! Make it easier

Investissement

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Always good to encourage

Production

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Bring more of it back to Canada

Médias d'information et Journalisme

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

More facts, less spin either way

Économie du Nord

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Boost and promote

Congé parental

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Yup. A year for both is good.

Travailleurs à temps partiel, contractuels et à la demande

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Here to stay, so deserving of the same rights and protections

Pensions

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Make them decent and secure against corporate greed and mismanagement

Régulations

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Necessary, but don't go overboard with it either...

Recherche scientifique Développement

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Science and lab coats are sexy!

Congé de maladie

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Should be a provincial thing, but definitely do it if some provinces won't

Petites entreprises

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Support them, but not at the expense of workers' right and dignity

Acier et Aluminium

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Make and export more

Gestion des approvisionnements

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Meh.

Évasion fiscale

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

With Canada’s economy being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we propose several measures to stimulate the economy as well as reduce the burden on Canadian taxpayers:

1) Open new tax havens in all provinces and territories across Canada, thereby keeping foreign funds local and thus contributing billions of extra dollars to our eventual post-pandemic economic recovery.

2) By 2022, complete the full privatization of the Senate initiated by previous governments.

3) Bring in additional revenue by allowing corporate advertising in the both the Senate and the House of Commons.

4) Change Canada's currency to bubble gum, so it can be inflated or deflated at will.

5) Change the value of the quarter to thirty cents, thereby increasing the income of taxpayers by 16%!

6) Take Canada off the gold standard, opting instead to use a snow standard.

Imposition

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

A necessary burden

Géants technologiques

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Good to a point

Syndicats et Gestion ouvrière

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Fine in principle...just don't politicize or shelter the incompetent

Santé mentale, drogues et toxicomanie

Dépendance et Crise des opioïdes

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

A serious problem we need to do more about

Couverture des services de santé mentale

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Should be included and covered

Services en santé mentale

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Definitely more

Fausses couches et Mortinatalité

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Tragic and sad

Relations internationales

Chine

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Stop persecuting the Uighurs and being dicks in general...so we can buy your crap with a clearer conscience...

Droits de la personne

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Champion them abroad while respecting them at home too

Inde

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Play nice with Pakistan, please

Équipe de développement international

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Of course we should help, as well as helping ourselves too

Iran

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Be nice to them, but don't take any guff from them either...

Israël et Palestine

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sharing is caring

La Francaphonie

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Tout à fait, mes ami(e)s !

Liberté de religion

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure, but not an absolute...free to believe and worship, but NOT free to discriminate and hate in the process

Ukraine

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Back off, Russia...you don't need to rebuild your empire...you're big enough already!

Nations Unies

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Not perfect, but still necessary and useful

Immigration et réfugiés

Retards administratifs

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Hire more people to get through them faster...d'uh!

Reconnaissance des acquis

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Absolutely yes! Just pass an official language fluency test first and you're good!

Réunification familiale

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure, within reason and with responsibilities

Procédure d'immigration

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Make it easier, but not too easy.

Réfugiés

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure, within reason and with responsibilities

Travailleurs étrangers temporaires

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure, but don't be a lazy exploitative cheapskate either...looks for Canadians first if you can

Visas

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure. Mastercards and American Express too.

Personnes âgées et Soins aux aînés

Vieillir chez soi

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Yes?

Soins de longue durée

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Work with the provinces to do better...give our elders the dignity and comfortable lives they deserve

Femmes aînées

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Grandmas rock! Give them all the love, respect, and support!

Transit et transport

Investissements dans le transport en commun

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

To a point. Municipalities and provinces can invest too; the feds aren't a charity

Véhicules à zéro émission

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

MOAR

Infrastructure

Retards dans les infrastructures

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Not that helpful

Financement des infrastructures

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure, why not?

Infrastructure Internet

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Definitely needs to improve...it's not where it needs to be, and where it should be -- especially in rural areas. Get Bell, Rogers, and Telus to smarten up and not be so stingy!

Propositions municipales

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Hear them out

Infrastructure du Nord

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Definitely needs to improve...it's not where it needs to be, and where it should be

Ports de petits bateaux

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure

Sentier transcanadien

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Yes

Ressources naturelles et Extraction

Aquaculture

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure

Industrie de la pêche

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure, within reason. No overfishing.

Industrie forestière

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Still very necessary

Gaz naturel liquéfié (GNL)

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure

Exploitation minière

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Also still necessary.

Plateformes pétrolières au large

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

We'll still need for a while yet...plus profit-share with the relevant provinces and territories, because that's fair

Pipelines

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Transport oil and gas in blimps instead of pipelines.

Sécurité publique et maintien de l'ordre

Violence domestique

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Bad, but not really up to the federal government to deal with...work with the provinces and municipalities

Violence des gangs

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Bad, but not really up to the federal government to deal with...work with the provinces and municipalities

Violence liée aux armes à feu

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

A problem to deal with, but not at the expense of law-abiding gun owners. Since most gun crime is done with illegal weapons anyway...

Traite des personnes

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Do more to prevent

Infrastructure de la sécurité

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Yup.

Enjeux divers

Accessibilité

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

More is better

Adoption

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Make it easier and simpler. For all.

Radiodiffusion et Diffusion en continu

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure

Radio-Canada et CBC

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Yes

Postes Canada

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Still necessary, but room for improvement and greater efficiency

Patrimoire canadien

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

With Canadian heritage being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we are committed to defending Canadian values ​​and promoting our history:

1) Make “Sorry” the new official motto of Canada.

2) Nationalize bacon.

3) To create a more egalitarian Canada, maps will be redrawn so that all provinces and territories are rectangular like Saskatchewan.

4) Make illiteracy the third official language of Canada.

5) In order to be closer to the centre of the country, move the national capital from Ottawa to Kapuskasing, Ontario*.

*Or, alternatively, to Baker Lake, Nunavut -- just 40 kilometres from the exact geographic centre of Canada.

Conseils financiers et Institutions

Promesses de Blake Hamilton

Service fees suck!
Always good to get

Éthique gouvernementale et Lobbyisme

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Do better. Use common sense. Don't let lobbyists have any undue leverage -- should be more balanced.

Services gouvernementaux

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Need them

Transparence gouvernementale

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Most definitely more and better needed! Citizens have a right to know.

Transfert des responsabilités du Nord

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Why not? Good enough for the provinces most of the time... The territories deserve equal treatment too.

Services publics

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Need it

Droit de réparation

Promesse de Blake Hamilton

Sure

Biographie

soumis par le candidat ou son équipe
A proud resident of Carleton Place for over 20 years, Blake is a wryly disillusioned patriot who’s fed up with all the other parties and their corrupt ineptitude. When it's all become such an absurd joke, why not vote for the actual joker instead?

Our current system is horribly broken. Utterly dysfunctional and hobbled by hyper-partisanship and inherent structural flaws in our electoral process. The big parties serve themselves now more than they serve us. Playing us like puppets while they consolidate more and more unchecked power. They are out of touch and no longer truly represent us.

I'm also tired of strategic voting as an alternative: having to hold my nose and vote for a party I don't like, in order to stop another party I like even less from getting elected. That's not why and how we should vote. Defeats the very purpose of democracy and the true will of the people.

Enough is enough. No more.

I’d rather run satirically to decry this absurd joke than to enable it any more.

I want another option. So do others. Instead of spoiling their ballots or just not voting at all.

At least we Rhinos are honest enough to call out this craziness, and to never make any false promises for the sake of getting elected. Quite the opposite: our only real, solemn promise is to never keep any of the promises we make if elected. That's pure honesty right there, without agenda or ulterior motive. We're the champions of truth, wrapped in a cloak of gleeful hilarity.

So send all the clowns in the House a message -- better to vote for us real clowns than it is to vote for them. Because humour is always better than anger or apathy.

Voir les promesses électorales de Blake Hamilton

Raison de la candidature

soumis par le candidat ou son équipe
To give my fellow disillusioned citizens & voters a chance to meaningfully express their dissatisfaction with our broken system at the ballot box: by voting for someone/something else instead, rather than spoiling their ballot, or not voting at all.

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